scanning the horizon . . .
Michael O'Dell
i am scanning the horizon
looking for something familiar
something that makes my heart
go into a comforting rhythm

i am looking out
i am looking in
i look in between
and under, too

not sure what it looks like
so i've been told
i'll know it when i see it
and see it when do

no time table of what a train would have
unmeasurable and untested
to pull into the station
when is expected

is pushing out better than
holding in?
contracting muscles
muscle memory
when times were easier

looking ahead
but all i see
is what i've seen before
does that make my heart sing?
i cannot tell;
i hear a different voice now
still mine
but unfamiliar

searching the horizon
scanning for milemarkers
i might recognize
but i've never been this way
down this path

do i become excited
with new undiscovered territory
or fall back on hushed
concerned fathoms
that run deep

little steps they say
little steps a day
but are the inches i take
heading in the right direction

i can always turn around
but either way

north

south

east

west

i am lost
i am lost
i am

lost
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    A goal in mind. A vision. Daily steps to achieving the somewhat unachievable. A record of what is accomplished. Given FAITH that proceeding toward a transformation that will transform my life. Trust in the process. Chipping away at the fat while building glorious muscle. Seeing myself in a different light and gaining confidence beyond my wildest imagination. Becoming real. My reality. My Transformation at a cellular level. Using informed knowledge to change my life. For me and no one else. Giving to myself will allow me to give to others. Loving myself better so I can love others better. One day at a time. One week at a time planned out. To become months and years of better fitness for myself. Again, grasshopper, trust in the process.